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If you are a guy:

Be polite! As they always say, politeness doesn't cost anything. Any lover likes to be treated with respect and appreciation by their new flame. Politeness is an easy, socially acceptable way to show respect and interest. It is also a very straight laced way of wooing someone, but wooing it still is, and it might work wonders. Politeness still has the air of old fashioned chivalry and romantic  liaisons and who can resist being treated like the queen of someone's world?

Be flirtatious. This is the part where you can show your passionate, playful and maybe slightly devious side. Flirtation is fun, exciting and sexy. You can show that you have some sharper edges so that you don't end up in the 'boring lover' category. Falling in love is about excitement, taking risks and playing with fire. Flirtation is a good way to show your darker side.

Have her in mind. Having someone in mind means that you are mindful of them, that you have a sense of what is going on for them and are accounting for that. Mindfulness is often portrayed as a female quality, but men can learn it too even if it takes some practice. Being at the receiving end of someone's mindfulness is slightly magical, like feeling truly known and deeply connected.

Be proud of your body. There is nothing worse than a new lover, whose body shows years of neglect and sloth. Hopefully, you will have taken some pride in your body before you've met your new lover and the effort shows. You don't have to be Mr Universe, just do the best with what you've got. Your lover will give you ten out of ten for being at ease with your body, looking after yourself and owning with pride and joy what you've got. Hopefully you can say that as much about the state of your belly as of your favourite part.

Own your power. This bit is about having pride in being a man. Hopefully a polite and thoughtful man, but still a man. Stand up straight and own your power. You don't have to be a hero, but being a wimp just will not do. After all I am sure you'll enjoy a bit of adoration from your new lover too.

If you are a woman:

Be happy and laugh! For once put down your worries and just enjoy the ride. Who knows, it might all be over by tomorrow, but today is what it is. Laughing relaxes, expresses joy and is infectious. Laughing and having a good time with someone bonds people together. After all that is what life is like when it's really great. And you'll leave your new lover in no doubt that you are having a good time with him.

Enjoy your body. Men are visual beings. Watching a woman feel at ease and sensuous about her own body is a real turn on for them. Feel free to find the temptress within yourself and let it show. Enjoy the physical sensations your body has to offer every step of the way and who knows he might get so excited that he treats you to some extras.

Let him protect you. Men like to feel useful and needed. Having a role gives them security and offers them a place in your life. Most men do have a strong protective urge when it comes to their lovers and giving him a chance to show it will make him feel good about himself. Also, don't underestimate how un-needed a lot of men feel in today's world with women being able to do everything for themselves anyway. Give him a chance to be your hero and he'll show you his best side.

Be independent. Even though you are only just starting off, don't let your independence slip. Being a demure and clingy woman really doesn't do it for most men as it has that claustrophobic touch to it. Stay your own person, with your own life, friends, interests and dreams. After all it's not surprising if he stops making an effort if you simply blend into his life like his old furniture.

Value him for who he is. Men are really useful to have around. They can reach where you aren't tall enough, they can open stuff, repair things, deal with official stuff you can't be bothered with, earn money and treat you to all sorts of things. Just don't forget that he's still a real person not just your handyman. Take some time to really get to know him, what his dreams are for the future and what it means to him to be a man. Men are good at hiding their true selves, but that doesn't mean that they don't get lonely.

Jo is a qualified sex and relationship therapist and has contributed extensively to

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